Paranormal Theories = Awesome!

That’s right: paranormal theories are awesome!  Despite the fact that nobody actually does any scientific research to prove or disprove the vast majority of theories that are pulled from the ether of dumb, paranormal theories are the cornerstone of belief for every ghost hunter, UFO researcher and cryptozoology buff.  They are the stuffing shoved in the turkey’s ass of let’s-pretend-it’s-all-real!

Let me just say that The Para Geek is a big fan of dumb (and stuffing).  My hobby’s glass is dripping over the brim with dumb and I wouldn’t have it any other way, because it lets us pretend we’ve put our brains to good use by creating a “what if” proposition and then stating it as fact.  It is fun and – more importantly – it is the best Jedi Mind Trick ever pulled on an entire community of peeps.

Have you ever heard that if something is repeated often enough, people will eventually believe it?  Same thing.  Take a peek at orbs – not paranormal – but enough people have stated they are, so many people will insist they are.  Or consider why paranormal investigators use some type of EMF meter to “communicate” with an entity, or that ancient civilizations couldn’t possibly be smart enough to move a bunch of heavy rocks so it must have been alien intervention!

I would put money down on the odds that 99.9% of people couldn’t tell you exactly where these theories came from without looking it up on the Googly.  I’d put money down that you can’t, either – but I would bet the farm that you’ve either heard these theories or believe them…  The question is, why?

…I have a theory.  Most people jump into the paranormal hobby with both feet and start reading everything about it from the best resource in the world: total strangers on the internets.  These people know everything from what color Santa’s underwear is to how tall Justin Bieber is, so naturally they’ll have the answers to why spooks haunt mansions and if chupacabras roam the alleyways of Mexico like a street gang.

The thing is, thinking it doesn’t make it real.  Neither does repeating it.  No matter how fast you can say it three times in a row or spin it to fit your chosen interest, paranormal theories are still just random flavors of  Stove Top spooned from a turkey butt.  Most theories that have to do with ghosts, little green men or Bigfoot are often so stuffed with seemingly plausible yet completely unprovable mantras that a three year old can poke holes in them easier than coloring on a wall with a crayola.

So the next time you’re perusing your favorite paranormal forum or monster website and find yourself reading some theory, ask yourself what it and stuffing have in common.  That’s right… turkey butt.