Para Geek Peeve #9: It only seems logical for a brand-spankin’ new paranormal group to blast off emails in order to point out how uniquely qualified they are to lend other groups their services. It is refreshing to know that a band of well-educated and deep-thinking newcomers will be able to shed some light on the unexplained! The ignorant masses of experienced researchers and investigators out there have probably just been sitting around pondering stupid things.
Para Geek Peeve #7: If you say: “That guy’s an idiot!” and take it upon yourself to argue with him, doesn’t that kind of make you a bigger idiot? The Certified vs. Anti-Certified debate has wasted precious seconds of what could have been better spent on something important. Like spreading Nutella on white bread or perfecting the art of lint rolling.
Paranormal investigators are kind of… a weird bunch. From the eclectic to the esoteric, from the outspoken to the ones who seem desperate to be as invisible as the ghosts they search for in the dark – there are all kinds of them.
I’ve secretly always imagined many of them to be the adults who were picked on and teased as a kid, those unpopular children that never really found their calling or reached their full potential. So, locked away in their rooms in front of a computer screen or curled up under the covers reading about fictitious characters with more of a life than they had – they found a cozy little niche where being on the fringes of society, rather than being at the heart of it, is not only accepted – it is expected.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not picking on paranormal investigators. I am pointing out my assumptions from what I have observed over the years. Before you start assuming that I hold myself removed from this observation, I will be the first to admit that I consider myself to be an introverted person; I do not go out of my way to draw attention to myself – at least not publicly.
Now that I’ve covered my ass in that respect, let’s get back to the paranormal investigators.
You see, there’s always been something about the troops who march off into dark and damp basements, hang around tombstones by the light of the moon and pontificate about why ghosts hang around such cruddy locations that bothered me: they never seem to do any real scientific study. Sure, they can spout off a dozen paranormal theories faster than you can spank a monkey and their resolve is like a steel plate when it comes to their convictions about said theories – but what do they actually do?
It is not scientific to sit around in a grave yard taking pictures of dust. It is not adding any credibility to some Supreme Consciousness to post a 30 second video of something that, with all due respect, could be anything other than a ghost – and I do mean anything…
But you know what it is? It’s fun. Yes, I am letting the cat out of the bag – if you want to know why a large portion of people investigate the paranormal, it is because it brings a lot of happiness to them. It isn’t about proving ghosts exist or that some place is haunted really – it is about the social aspect of getting together with a bunch of like-minded people and having fun.
Let me stop you right there before you start getting all huffy & puffy over not taking this seriously. Stowe your fake consternation in your bag o’ snob for a second and hear me out… I never said they didn’t take what they’re doing seriously. I said they did it because it was fun. Contrary to some stupid, made up rule that a lot of other paranormal investigators like to preach about, belonging to a group and scouting locations that are rumored to be haunted can be interesting, entertaining, and yes – enjoyable. It can bring people together who don’t find bragging about their kid’s latest triumphs with the Jones’ a nice way to spend their time, or who otherwise find the bar scene to be nasty and more of a fraud than many of the 30 second videos their Youtube account is competing with.
The majority of paranormal investigators probably didn’t get past high school science class and now, what… they’re supposed to provide credible scientific evidence of the afterlife armed with a video camera and a 6mp Kodak? I don’t think so. Let’s be honest for once and just say it: we do this because it is fun and we continue to do this because we are having fun with other people who are having fun. Mystery solved.
Sorry if this bursts any bubbles, but it’s true. And for those of you sitting in front of your computer screens right now, ticked off that I am demeaning your chosen field, relax. You can still act like you’re on a mission to bring the average Joe the truth. It will eventually be earth-shattering for them, I’m sure.
But for those of you who are planning out your latest adventures to creepy, abandoned old mansions and forgotten sites with your group of paranormal homies, take heed, friends… you are not alone. Happy Hunting.