Para Geek Peeve #9


Para Geek Peeve #9:  It only seems logical for a brand-spankin’ new paranormal group to blast off emails in order to point out how uniquely qualified they are to lend other groups their services.  It is refreshing to know that a band of well-educated and deep-thinking newcomers will be able to shed some light on the unexplained!  The ignorant masses of experienced researchers and investigators out there have probably just been sitting around pondering stupid things.

Para Geek Peeve #7


Para Geek Peeve #7:  If you say: “That guy’s an idiot!” and take it upon yourself to argue with him, doesn’t that kind of make you a bigger idiot?  The Certified vs. Anti-Certified debate has wasted precious seconds of what could have been better spent on something important.  Like spreading Nutella on white bread or perfecting the art of lint rolling.

The real reason to investigate


Paranormal investigators are kind of… a weird bunch.  From the eclectic to the esoteric, from the outspoken to the ones who seem desperate to be as invisible as the ghosts they search for in the dark – there are all kinds of them.

I’ve secretly always imagined many of them to be the adults who were picked on and teased as a kid, those unpopular children that never really found their calling or reached their full potential.  So, locked away in their rooms in front of a computer screen or curled up under the covers reading about fictitious characters with more of a life than they had – they found a cozy little niche where being on the fringes of society, rather than being at the heart of it, is not only accepted – it is expected.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not picking on paranormal investigators.  I am pointing out my assumptions from what I have observed over the years.  Before you start assuming that I hold myself removed from this observation, I will be the first to admit that I consider myself to be an introverted person; I do not go out of my way to draw attention to myself – at least not publicly.

Now that I’ve covered my ass in that respect, let’s get back to the paranormal investigators.

You see, there’s always been something about the troops who march off into dark and damp basements, hang around tombstones by the light of the moon and pontificate about why ghosts hang around such cruddy locations that bothered me: they never seem to do any real scientific study.  Sure, they can spout off a dozen paranormal theories faster than you can spank a monkey and their resolve is like a steel plate when it comes to their convictions about said theories – but what do they actually do?

It is not scientific to sit around in a grave yard taking pictures of dust.  It is not adding any credibility to some Supreme Consciousness to post a 30 second video of something that, with all due respect, could be anything other than a ghost – and I do mean anything…

But you know what it is?  It’s fun.  Yes, I am letting the cat out of the bag – if you want to know why a large portion of people investigate the paranormal, it is because it brings a lot of happiness to them.  It isn’t about proving ghosts exist or that some place is haunted really – it is about the social aspect of getting together with a bunch of like-minded people and having fun.

Let me stop you right there before you start getting all huffy & puffy over not taking this seriously.  Stowe your fake consternation in your bag o’ snob for a second and hear me out…  I never said they didn’t take what they’re doing seriously.  I said they did it because it was fun.  Contrary to some stupid, made up rule that a lot of other paranormal investigators like to preach about, belonging to a group and scouting locations that are rumored to be haunted can be interesting, entertaining, and yes – enjoyable.  It can bring people together who don’t find bragging about their kid’s latest triumphs with the Jones’ a nice way to spend their time, or who otherwise find the bar scene to be nasty and more of a fraud than many of the 30 second videos their Youtube account is competing with.

The majority of paranormal investigators probably didn’t get past high school science class and now, what… they’re supposed to provide credible scientific evidence of the afterlife armed with a video camera and a 6mp Kodak?  I don’t think so.  Let’s be honest for once and just say it: we do this because it is fun and we continue to do this because we are having fun with other people who are having fun.  Mystery solved.

Sorry if this bursts any bubbles, but it’s true.  And for those of you sitting in front of your computer screens right now, ticked off that I am demeaning your chosen field, relax.  You can still act like you’re on a mission to bring the average Joe the truth.  It will eventually be earth-shattering for them, I’m sure.

But for those of you who are planning out your latest adventures to creepy, abandoned old mansions and forgotten sites with your group of paranormal homies, take heed, friends… you are not alone.  Happy Hunting.

An Open Letter


Being a paranormal investigator is often filled with long, boring nights sitting in the dark and trying to look like you know what you’re doing.  It also takes a lot of perseverance when it comes to trying to build up a name for yourself or your group – and a lot of that ends up being done on the internet.

But there is an evil dark side to building up a reputation and shooting to get “fans” like your paranormal group was just a cover to gain loyal cult followers.  There is a fine line between admiration and busting out the Dixie cups full of Grape Kool-Aid, and sometimes that line gets very, very fuzzy…

This letter comes from a source that I know.  I am on the fence if it is actually sarcasm or a perfect example of some sick & twisted individual.  We’ll just leave it at that and allow this Open Letter to speak for itself:

Dear Paranormal Investigator,

I appreciate your opinions on paranormal television shows.  You never pass up an opportunity to point out how the latest episode of Baldy and Stickman or Gel-hair Boy & Co. is totally faked and misrepresenting how proper investigating of the paranormal is really done.  I am impressed with your authority when it comes to pointing out their amateurish techniques.  They don’t even use the scientific method!

If it wasn’t for your expertise of the field, I wouldn’t have paid any attention to these charlatan’s attempts to bamboozle us regular folk.  Thankfully, there are people like you who have the foresight to point out their flaws!  People will hopefully wake the F up.

It is obvious how important you are by telling us how much these shows suck.  Some may call it ego, but I know it’s because you put your heart & soul into advancing the paranormal field.  It’s not like you say things about them because everybody else does or think you have to in order to be taken seriously.

Your blog that said cameras should always be pointing down dark hallways and empty rooms so that we, “the viewers,” could discern for ourselves when/if something paranormal happens was spot on.  These lame shows about “the investigators” focus on them 99.9% of the time which just proves how fake they are.  The camera never goes off of them to show us what is going on!  If they were really trying to help the field, they would say to hell with the ratings and let us stare at empty rooms like on webcam internet sites.  I know that in the last few minutes they always show their findings, but still – if they don’t let us see what is happening, how are we to believe them?

The good news is that your dedication is getting the attention of many newcomers to the field.  All of the forums I belong to have people register and denounce these shows too.  Sure, most probably became interested in the paranormal because of these shows like I did, but that was before realizing how big of a fraud these celebs are.  It is really hard not see it when everybody on a site is routinely talking about it.

The bottom line is that you are right: these shows give the paranormal community a bad name.  People can say it is drama or jumping to conclusions about scientific theories that are clearly videotaped & photographed on your website (not to mention those EVPs, which is obviously paranormal sounding), but that is THEIR OPINION and they are wrong!  These shows make people think that all they have to do is get a Kaytoo and a recorder and they’re paranormal investigators!  Goes to show what they know – you have to at least know you can’t use a Kaytoo around walkie-talkies and you can’t hold a recorder in your hand.  Idiots!

Oh and awesome Youtube video where you guys used a Kaytoo to ask that spirit questions.  It was clever to switch the tables on it when you said: “if you died here, give us a sign” and nothing happened… but when you said: “if you did NOT die here, give us a sign” and it lit up.  That was pretty smart and goes to show you how using scientific methods is proof positive of extraterrestrial life.

I am also amazed by the two psychics on your team, too – they are totally awesome!  I researched a place you have investigated and there’s no information on the facts that they tell me about, so it’s a good thing they are more in touch with a location than these stupid historical societies.  If it wasn’t for their insight, we’d be completely in the dark.  I thought I was psychic once, but all these people just told me I was letting my imagination run wild.  They are so close minded.

Your experience is way better than the people on these shows.  The 4 locations you’ve investigated were totally haunted like you proved (I’m not sure of the dates, but I know they included your house, your friend’s apartment, a barn and a local cemetery).  I hope you’ll be able to admonish that demonic entity.  I read burning sage will work.  Somebody probably used the Ouija Board and let it out.  I hope you have a proctologist in your group, because they are the only ones who should burn the sage.

By the way, I have seen your posts asking people to “Like” your group’s Facebook page and follow you guys on Twitter.  I have done both – I want to help you reach your goal of misinforming 1,000 followers because it is uber important that as many people as possible get precise and to-the-minute information about the paranormal stuff you guys research.  P.S. – I love all of the kitty pictures!

P.P.S. – I really like what you’ve done to your website!  I think that the dark background and red words really give a serious look to the site.  It hurts my eyes a little, but I’m dedicated to the paranormal too so I just work through it.  The skulls, ghosts and cobwebs really let people know how passionate you are about the paranormal.  Just a question though, is your group’s acronym F.O.B.S.P.R.S or F.B.O.P.R.S.?  I thought it was F.B.S.P.S. But that is another group…