Is your browser out to get you, too?


I’m persistent when it comes to doing things that I want to do.  Even though the “new and improved” IE9 was a complete pain in the ass (only when I needed it to be seamless and easy, of course), I didn’t let that stop me from getting this blog out of the idea bin and into action.  So, it is getting on the roll here at The Para Geek.

Internet Explorer has always been something of a paranormal phenom to me.  I used it exclusively back in the day and I never had any troubles with it because I was used to the many issues that it had.  I figured it was normal to put up with slow load speeds, constant crashes, the never-ending little circle that would just spin like it was trying to hypnotize you…

In a moment of clarity, I downloaded Firefox and never looked back.  Until two days ago that is.  When – like a neglected and forgotten pet that you thought was so cute when you first got it – only it shit all over your rugs and pissed on every piece of furniture you owned – so out the door it went… that little blue “e” on my computer screen began calling to me.  Just a whimper at first…  but before you knew it this shrilling cry of “hey!  click me!  click me!” finally caused me to cave in.

I clicked on the seldom used internet explorer icon.

Like a possessed ghost in the machine, it immediately started to get me to do things that I didn’t want to do…  I stopped using it before when “it” upgraded to IE8 – I hated it then and I hate it now.  But what’s this?  IE9?  Surely, a nine is much closer to ten than eight, which we all know is perfect, right?  So what the hell – “click on upgrade!”   Somewere between 20 minutes and five hours later, it was finally uploaded and tempting me with its Bing-Bling and that MSN homepage, prompting me to check out all of these cool new features it has just packed inside it like a diaper full of doodoo…

Dammit, you tricked me again, you little demonic “e” with your promises.  Curses!  Now nothing is loading at all!  Every page I go to has that annoying little bar at the bottom that blocks my view and like a wart on the face of an otherwise gorgeous woman, I can’t stop staring at it!  What’s worse, some websites that I need to get to on a regular basis – you know, email and secure sites I use for communicating with all of the important people I know (like Z00tsOOt35 on my Xbox Live list, or the 590 friends on my Facebook page, for example).  Blank.  All of them.  WTF, IE9?  Why did you play me like an ex-girlfriend who bumps into you on the street while her new boyfriend is parking the car?  You skeezy bitch.

Maybe I’ll get used to it, I told myself.  Maybe it’ll get better.  Hah!  And maybe I’ll grow a set of wings and fly to work on Monday morning.  No, I have learned my lesson.  Forgive me, Firefox…  Please take me back!

And yes, IE9, you suck.